It's just me
I don't know who it is
I want to be
Right now it's just me
So please please let me be
Friday, May 2, 2008
Tears of Tomorrow
I have tears of sorrow for tomorrow
Another one leaves
and the grass will be greener
the leaves
because of the sorrows of tomorrows
Yes we had laughter
our times of together
but tomorrow
who knows where the many may road leads
I may open my eyes
and have tears inside
because tomorrow
you did not get out of bed
now you're another memory
in my head
I have tears for tomorrow
so I won't think of sorrow
and borrow every day
with a smile of your face
till I close my eyes there are no tears of tomorrows
Another one leaves
and the grass will be greener
the leaves
because of the sorrows of tomorrows
Yes we had laughter
our times of together
but tomorrow
who knows where the many may road leads
I may open my eyes
and have tears inside
because tomorrow
you did not get out of bed
now you're another memory
in my head
I have tears for tomorrow
so I won't think of sorrow
and borrow every day
with a smile of your face
till I close my eyes there are no tears of tomorrows
Questions?
Have you ever really wanted to do something for humanity? To help someone with no strings attached and to just purely give something of worth to some else anonymously, in other words provide a pure act of kindness. Where such goodness goes sometimes trouble not only follows but attempts to be there waiting. The Devil Is a Busy Man.
A man wanted to give assistance to a couple that was experiencing a financial hardship. His one request was for the donation to remain anonymous. The male recipient had discovered who he thought the donor was. He contacted the donor and through a phone conversation had discovered he was correct. It was the donor's curiosity of how the money would be used that revealed his identity to the recipient. It was the donor's, "unconscious and seemingly, natural, automatic ability to both deceive myself and other people, which, on the 'motivational level,' not only completely emptied the generous thing I tried to do of any true value, and caused me to fail, again, in my attempts to sincerely be what someone would classify as truly a 'nice' or 'good' person"
The motivation to perform "good works" was marred by the need to know or offer advice as to what might be done with the money. The "common law" couple had a newborn baby and were bombarded with debt and medical bills. So when the male recipient called the temptation was too great not to ask questions that revealed the donor's identity. Was it a slip of thought by the donor or was it deliberately done? After all the donor had rehearsed what he might say if someone called him about the "diverged funds." If the disclosure was deliberately done then he did perform "good works" for the couple but not in the purest since of the word. Didn't the donor intentionally reveal himself? Does that then call into question his true intentions? Was he really being generous or was he trying to show himself in a good "light?" Was there really sincerity on the donor's part?
A man wanted to give assistance to a couple that was experiencing a financial hardship. His one request was for the donation to remain anonymous. The male recipient had discovered who he thought the donor was. He contacted the donor and through a phone conversation had discovered he was correct. It was the donor's curiosity of how the money would be used that revealed his identity to the recipient. It was the donor's, "unconscious and seemingly, natural, automatic ability to both deceive myself and other people, which, on the 'motivational level,' not only completely emptied the generous thing I tried to do of any true value, and caused me to fail, again, in my attempts to sincerely be what someone would classify as truly a 'nice' or 'good' person"
The motivation to perform "good works" was marred by the need to know or offer advice as to what might be done with the money. The "common law" couple had a newborn baby and were bombarded with debt and medical bills. So when the male recipient called the temptation was too great not to ask questions that revealed the donor's identity. Was it a slip of thought by the donor or was it deliberately done? After all the donor had rehearsed what he might say if someone called him about the "diverged funds." If the disclosure was deliberately done then he did perform "good works" for the couple but not in the purest since of the word. Didn't the donor intentionally reveal himself? Does that then call into question his true intentions? Was he really being generous or was he trying to show himself in a good "light?" Was there really sincerity on the donor's part?
Which Celebration?
How funny the poem Flight to Canada was. Ishmael Reed uses the broken dialect of the slave in combination with the historical facts and modern day technology to may fun of the slave master why celebrating the freedom of a runaway slave named Quickskill. The combination of which leaves you laughing and celebrating while reading the letter Flight to Canada.
The former slave Quickskill had leaped to Canada. "I have done my Liza Leap & am safe in the arms of Canada, so Ain't no use your Slave Catchers waitin on me At Trailways I won't be there" (Ll. 3-8) Quickskill has not only ran away North but to Canada where the Slave Catchers can not legally retrieve him. Then he "flew in non-stop Jumbo jet this A.M. Had Champagne Compliments of the Cap'n" (Ll. 10-13) He ran all the way to Canada without any events from the Slave Catchers and then celebrated by sipping on champagne. He traveled "in style" (l. 22) Even the best bred Negro catching dogs could not travel with him. "Besides, your Negro dogs Of Hays & Allen stock can't fly" (Ll. 26-28)
Quickskill was a frequent flyer. He had flew back and forth to Canada three or four times. "Yellow Judas Cato done tole You that I have snuck back to The plantation 3 maybe 4 times" (Ll. 30-33) The mulatto favored house snitch had probably told the Massa that Quick skill had been back and forth to the plantation. While he was at the plantation he made love with his prime slave in the Masa's slave bed. Then Quickskill tricked the Massa's wife into giving him some money from the safe. "Your employees won't miss It & I accept it as a Down payment on my back Wages." (Ll. 60-63) He mocks and ridicules the Massa by referring to the slaves as his employees.
The letter is ended with Quickskill informing the Massa the whiskey he was drinking while reading the letter had been poisoned by him. Quickskill had won his freedom and found a way to abolish his captor as well. When does evil become so bad that the only way to abolish it is by killing. In the letter you are cheering for Quickskill so much that you may even find yourself celebrating Massa's doom.
The former slave Quickskill had leaped to Canada. "I have done my Liza Leap & am safe in the arms of Canada, so Ain't no use your Slave Catchers waitin on me At Trailways I won't be there" (Ll. 3-8) Quickskill has not only ran away North but to Canada where the Slave Catchers can not legally retrieve him. Then he "flew in non-stop Jumbo jet this A.M. Had Champagne Compliments of the Cap'n" (Ll. 10-13) He ran all the way to Canada without any events from the Slave Catchers and then celebrated by sipping on champagne. He traveled "in style" (l. 22) Even the best bred Negro catching dogs could not travel with him. "Besides, your Negro dogs Of Hays & Allen stock can't fly" (Ll. 26-28)
Quickskill was a frequent flyer. He had flew back and forth to Canada three or four times. "Yellow Judas Cato done tole You that I have snuck back to The plantation 3 maybe 4 times" (Ll. 30-33) The mulatto favored house snitch had probably told the Massa that Quick skill had been back and forth to the plantation. While he was at the plantation he made love with his prime slave in the Masa's slave bed. Then Quickskill tricked the Massa's wife into giving him some money from the safe. "Your employees won't miss It & I accept it as a Down payment on my back Wages." (Ll. 60-63) He mocks and ridicules the Massa by referring to the slaves as his employees.
The letter is ended with Quickskill informing the Massa the whiskey he was drinking while reading the letter had been poisoned by him. Quickskill had won his freedom and found a way to abolish his captor as well. When does evil become so bad that the only way to abolish it is by killing. In the letter you are cheering for Quickskill so much that you may even find yourself celebrating Massa's doom.
A Life Yet Determined by the Wife
What do you do for a living? That is a general question that will arise during a conversation at a social gathering. In the year 2008 unless you live in Utah the answer Housewife will get you mixed reviews. Just what does a Housewife do? Well there is a endless list on chores, responsibilities, and duties to complete. The list could continue on far past laundry sheets.
I am not making lite of woman who stay home. I believe that a stay at home parent is the best way to raise children. It is the role of women and mothers that I am questioning. In the poem Housewife it clearly says, "Some women marry houses." (l. 1) A house is an object that can not give the emotional love in return. You can live and work in a house. One can make the arguement that it's not a house but a home of warmth and comfort where love is experienced.
However in this case a house is an object that can be loved but not love back. The woman married a house. The man is is vow of any (kind) emotion. In fact the only male interaction is by force. She is trapped in the belly of a whale and her fate is that of doom. Only God can save her. The one redeeming thought is "A woman is her mother, That's the main thing." (Ll. 9-10) Or is it a redeeming thought. Has her mother taught her this is her lot in life to be a Housewife or a house wife? One could be life of misery the other could be a life yet determined by the wife.
I am not making lite of woman who stay home. I believe that a stay at home parent is the best way to raise children. It is the role of women and mothers that I am questioning. In the poem Housewife it clearly says, "Some women marry houses." (l. 1) A house is an object that can not give the emotional love in return. You can live and work in a house. One can make the arguement that it's not a house but a home of warmth and comfort where love is experienced.
However in this case a house is an object that can be loved but not love back. The woman married a house. The man is is vow of any (kind) emotion. In fact the only male interaction is by force. She is trapped in the belly of a whale and her fate is that of doom. Only God can save her. The one redeeming thought is "A woman is her mother, That's the main thing." (Ll. 9-10) Or is it a redeeming thought. Has her mother taught her this is her lot in life to be a Housewife or a house wife? One could be life of misery the other could be a life yet determined by the wife.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
No Good Tomorrows
The lost of life in a violent way is always tragic. When the lost of life is one of the "good ones" then hopelessness and sorrow seems all the deeper. It appears the older I get, the closer I come to knowing the regret of an unicorn. Legend says an unicorn can only know regret once it has loved and lost that love. With death comes sorrow. The death of a Queen brings greater sorrow when for her there are no good tomorrows.
When God sends people like the Queen of Sunday to live here on earth their very existence is special. Their life is purposeful in bringing about a positive change. "Lord's lost Him His mockingbird, His fancy warbler, Satan sweet-talked her, Four bullets hushed her." (Ll. 1-4)
Why such violence? One bullet in heart was enough to kill the Queen but four bullets were shot to suffice the evil deed. The evil hatred of the killer(s) to silence the Queen. "Oh who and oh who will sing Jesus down to help with struggling and doing without and being colored all through blue Monday? Till way next Sunday?" (Ll. 10-13) A vast emptiness is left by the Queen. She fulfilled a role that no one else could. The good dear sister, yes she was a Queen in the church.
Yes ,"all those angels are surely weeping." (l. 18) They were weeping because of what the Queen had done. Perhaps it was more than bullets that caused her to fall from the throne. The great singer had sinned and "The gold works wrecked." (l. 21) "But she looks so natural in her big bronze coffin among the Broken Hearts and Gates-Ajar, it's as if any moment she'd lift her head" (Ll.22-24) Some sins are masked that only the angels and God knows. While we are alive repentance remains available. The lifting of her head might refer to the sinner's ability to lift one's eyes to God for forgiveness. The great mourning of the Queen is that perhaps she died in sin and thus for her there are no good tomorrows.
When God sends people like the Queen of Sunday to live here on earth their very existence is special. Their life is purposeful in bringing about a positive change. "Lord's lost Him His mockingbird, His fancy warbler, Satan sweet-talked her, Four bullets hushed her." (Ll. 1-4)
Why such violence? One bullet in heart was enough to kill the Queen but four bullets were shot to suffice the evil deed. The evil hatred of the killer(s) to silence the Queen. "Oh who and oh who will sing Jesus down to help with struggling and doing without and being colored all through blue Monday? Till way next Sunday?" (Ll. 10-13) A vast emptiness is left by the Queen. She fulfilled a role that no one else could. The good dear sister, yes she was a Queen in the church.
Yes ,"all those angels are surely weeping." (l. 18) They were weeping because of what the Queen had done. Perhaps it was more than bullets that caused her to fall from the throne. The great singer had sinned and "The gold works wrecked." (l. 21) "But she looks so natural in her big bronze coffin among the Broken Hearts and Gates-Ajar, it's as if any moment she'd lift her head" (Ll.22-24) Some sins are masked that only the angels and God knows. While we are alive repentance remains available. The lifting of her head might refer to the sinner's ability to lift one's eyes to God for forgiveness. The great mourning of the Queen is that perhaps she died in sin and thus for her there are no good tomorrows.
She, too, was America
Langston oh Langston what I can say
Langston's poetry seems to know
what I say
Perhaps it is because of the life I have seen
Dogs biting, killings, bombings, murders lynchings
the undereducated
they all scream
This is the life
I have seen
I am singing right along with Langston in I, Too. My grandmother was a nanny maid. She caught two maybe three buses to the suburbs where she cooked, cleaned, and cared for little loved ones. She scrubed floors on her hands and knees after serving her home made tea cakes to the company of the family she worked for. I do believe they were probably the best tea cakes in this part of Ohio. She ate in the kitchen and had a laugh that through memory can still make me chuckle.
I remember the day my oldest child graduated from the middle school that my grandmother's children where never allowed to attend because of the color of their skin. Adorned with her pill box hat on her head and wearing her best Sunday dress, Mama as I called her was the center of attention as she entered into the auditorium. She sat front, center, and as proud as can be because now she, too , was America and nobody dare say a thing.
Langston's poetry seems to know
what I say
Perhaps it is because of the life I have seen
Dogs biting, killings, bombings, murders lynchings
the undereducated
they all scream
This is the life
I have seen
I am singing right along with Langston in I, Too. My grandmother was a nanny maid. She caught two maybe three buses to the suburbs where she cooked, cleaned, and cared for little loved ones. She scrubed floors on her hands and knees after serving her home made tea cakes to the company of the family she worked for. I do believe they were probably the best tea cakes in this part of Ohio. She ate in the kitchen and had a laugh that through memory can still make me chuckle.
I remember the day my oldest child graduated from the middle school that my grandmother's children where never allowed to attend because of the color of their skin. Adorned with her pill box hat on her head and wearing her best Sunday dress, Mama as I called her was the center of attention as she entered into the auditorium. She sat front, center, and as proud as can be because now she, too , was America and nobody dare say a thing.
True Love that is Never Really Found
Problems or mole hills have a way sometimes of turning into mountains of problems when they are not approached right. In reality some hills should be avoided completely. In Ernest Hemingway's Hills Like White Elephants, we find an unmarried couple facing a problem. The young girl Jig is pregnant by an American who is trying to talk her into getting an abortion.
While waiting at a train station in Spain the American attempts to persuade Jig to have an abortion. During the time that he is trying to convince her to have the "very simple operation," she is looking out into the hills and imagines the hills are white elephants. The American says he has never seen white elephants. The white elephants are probably some symbolism of pregnancy for him. The couple's conversation centers around their happiness being connected to her having an abortion. Jig's youthful naivety is displayed in her saying, "But if I do it, then it will be nice again if I say things are like white elephants, and you'll love it?" The American places the couple's happiness upon whether the young girl has an abortion or not.
Just as the white elephants are seen in the distance by the girl, the white can also be symbolic of her innocence lost. Another symbolism could be the suitcases at the train station in the story. The American is packed and ready to go. He is waiting for the train but the train could go in ither direction. He does not want to held down by the white elephant of a child yet to be born. He has no children attached to him accept that of Jig's youthful knowledge. It is her lack of knowledge that perhaps also attracts the American. What innocence that is left of Jig keeps her pleasing him. In the end she decides she doesn't want anyone but him. A statement that could cost her herself. Just as abortions sometimes leaves women barren, decisions in life can also leave us barren of ourselves
Although Hills Like White Elephants was written in 1927 it transcends time, with innocence being manipulated away. For is there anything more purely sought after than true love that is never really found?
While waiting at a train station in Spain the American attempts to persuade Jig to have an abortion. During the time that he is trying to convince her to have the "very simple operation," she is looking out into the hills and imagines the hills are white elephants. The American says he has never seen white elephants. The white elephants are probably some symbolism of pregnancy for him. The couple's conversation centers around their happiness being connected to her having an abortion. Jig's youthful naivety is displayed in her saying, "But if I do it, then it will be nice again if I say things are like white elephants, and you'll love it?" The American places the couple's happiness upon whether the young girl has an abortion or not.
Just as the white elephants are seen in the distance by the girl, the white can also be symbolic of her innocence lost. Another symbolism could be the suitcases at the train station in the story. The American is packed and ready to go. He is waiting for the train but the train could go in ither direction. He does not want to held down by the white elephant of a child yet to be born. He has no children attached to him accept that of Jig's youthful knowledge. It is her lack of knowledge that perhaps also attracts the American. What innocence that is left of Jig keeps her pleasing him. In the end she decides she doesn't want anyone but him. A statement that could cost her herself. Just as abortions sometimes leaves women barren, decisions in life can also leave us barren of ourselves
Although Hills Like White Elephants was written in 1927 it transcends time, with innocence being manipulated away. For is there anything more purely sought after than true love that is never really found?
The Bombing of Race by Another
Langston Hughes depicts life interrupted by a different kind of bombing by man kind in "Air Raid over Harlem." There was a different kind of pride when you talked about Harlem in 1935. In 1935 Harlem was the place to be. At least that is what many African American, or colored folks as we were referred to back then. Many African Americans migrated from the South, forever searching for a better way of life. Just as immigrants came to America hearing stories of "streets paved with gold," the South had its stories of fortune and beauty up North in Harlem for colored folks.
Harlem's beauty was in its skin. "Look at my streets Full of black and brown and Yellow and high-yellow Jokers like me." (Ll. 11-14) The beauty of color exhilarates the pride filled words. It makes me want to say Harlem is where I live. Then the laughter of life is disrupted and almost silenced, perhaps killed by the bombs of whiteness. "BOMBS OVER HARLEM Cops on every corner Most of 'em white COPS IN HARLEM Guns and billy-clubs Double duty in Harlem." (Ll. 23-28)
The disruption of peace in Harlem was not caused by the citizens who lived there but by the political structure that seeks to contain the people of Harlem. Why was there a need for "Under every light Their faces WHITE In Harlem." (Ll. 30-33) While I am guesting Langston Hughes probably used the wording of "Under every light" to drive home the point it was the over kill of the presents of White police officers that was killing Harlem's beauty and him. "Air Raid over Harlem," gives a moving depiction of life interrupted even killed by the bombing of one race by another.
Harlem's beauty was in its skin. "Look at my streets Full of black and brown and Yellow and high-yellow Jokers like me." (Ll. 11-14) The beauty of color exhilarates the pride filled words. It makes me want to say Harlem is where I live. Then the laughter of life is disrupted and almost silenced, perhaps killed by the bombs of whiteness. "BOMBS OVER HARLEM Cops on every corner Most of 'em white COPS IN HARLEM Guns and billy-clubs Double duty in Harlem." (Ll. 23-28)
The disruption of peace in Harlem was not caused by the citizens who lived there but by the political structure that seeks to contain the people of Harlem. Why was there a need for "Under every light Their faces WHITE In Harlem." (Ll. 30-33) While I am guesting Langston Hughes probably used the wording of "Under every light" to drive home the point it was the over kill of the presents of White police officers that was killing Harlem's beauty and him. "Air Raid over Harlem," gives a moving depiction of life interrupted even killed by the bombing of one race by another.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
It seems I had came to the fork in the road at least two times in my life. Probably the first was during the seventies. It was a time when some of the teens at my school were getting high. Everyone knew someone who getting high. I couldn't see what all the hype was about smoking a home made cigarette that cost a whole dollar and made you hungry. So smoking a joint was out of the question for me. I figured if it made you stipid enough to pay so much for it then I wanted nothing to do with it. So I took the road less traveled and left a few friends on a road different than mine with bloodshot eyes and messed up minds. I headed off to college. There were weed heads there too but most of them lived in the dorm nicknamed "The Zoo."
When you leave your parents' home and continue on life's journey, you really do choose which path you will take. One day your seventeen and then you wake up one morning forty-eight. Where did the time go? JFK, Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy, race riots, man on the moon, bra burnings, Black Power, Vietnam, Nixon really was a crook, Ford, Carter, the hostage crisis, Regan really did not remember, the arms deal, Ollie North, Murphy Brown had a baby, How do you spell potato?, Bush, Clinton, hanging chads, Bush wacked, 911, WAR, and It's "the economy stupid" part II all seem to have happened so fast. Moments that "seemed to have happened like yesterday."
Most my yesterdays are filled with love, especially my adult years. When I took the road less traveled I met my best friend and married him. "And that has made all the difference." (l. 20)
When you leave your parents' home and continue on life's journey, you really do choose which path you will take. One day your seventeen and then you wake up one morning forty-eight. Where did the time go? JFK, Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy, race riots, man on the moon, bra burnings, Black Power, Vietnam, Nixon really was a crook, Ford, Carter, the hostage crisis, Regan really did not remember, the arms deal, Ollie North, Murphy Brown had a baby, How do you spell potato?, Bush, Clinton, hanging chads, Bush wacked, 911, WAR, and It's "the economy stupid" part II all seem to have happened so fast. Moments that "seemed to have happened like yesterday."
Most my yesterdays are filled with love, especially my adult years. When I took the road less traveled I met my best friend and married him. "And that has made all the difference." (l. 20)
Friday, February 29, 2008
The Death of Beauty
In Sarah Orne Jewett's "White Heron," Jewett uses the color white in a symbolic way for purity. The question becomes will the purity of youth unblemished conquer the symbolic greed associated with wealth? The sweet beauty of innocence is convey in the main character Sylvia. Sylvia lives with her grandmother in the woods. They are economically poor yet Sylvia is rich in integrity. A proven fact when a hunter comes to the woods in search of a White Heron. He tells Sylvia he will pay her ten dollars if she leads him to the bird. Although ten dollars was not a lot of money to the hunter it was to Sarah.
However there was something worth more than money to Sarah the beauty of the woods. The white heron was a part of the beauty of the woods. The hunter sought to kill the bird and display it some where. In the end Sarah sought to see the beauty of the life in the white heron.
How we sometimes disparately need the innocence beauty of Sylvia to flow through the heart and minds of people. Some people are too quick to kill and display beauty not realizing death can not capture beauty. To try to buy beauty kills it.
However there was something worth more than money to Sarah the beauty of the woods. The white heron was a part of the beauty of the woods. The hunter sought to kill the bird and display it some where. In the end Sarah sought to see the beauty of the life in the white heron.
How we sometimes disparately need the innocence beauty of Sylvia to flow through the heart and minds of people. Some people are too quick to kill and display beauty not realizing death can not capture beauty. To try to buy beauty kills it.
Stephen Cranes, poem "Do Not Weep, Maiden, for War is Kind" was thought provoking to me. The words war and kind being used in the same statement contrast to a point that they indeed fight with each other. "Little souls who thirst to fight. These men were born to drill and die." (Ll 7-8) I disagree with his words and perhaps that is what draws me more into his poem. Although the poem was written about the Civil War, it is applicable for today. As the mother of a son who has served two tours in Iraq, I do not believe soldiers thirst to fight. The thirst is in defending your country. Just as every person is born we shall all"surely die."
"A field were a thousand coorpses lie." (l. 11) How sad and terrible war is. Again Crane is usuing words to provoke thought. What reasoning could have been made to justify a war that leaves one thousand dead? He has created a war within the poem. His final casuality argument is, "Mother whose heart hung humble as a button On the bright splendid shroud of your son, Do not weep. War is kind. (Ll. 23-26) How can a mother not weep for the death of a child born of her flesh or not. The cry over spilled blood remains the same.
War is anything but kind.
"A field were a thousand coorpses lie." (l. 11) How sad and terrible war is. Again Crane is usuing words to provoke thought. What reasoning could have been made to justify a war that leaves one thousand dead? He has created a war within the poem. His final casuality argument is, "Mother whose heart hung humble as a button On the bright splendid shroud of your son, Do not weep. War is kind. (Ll. 23-26) How can a mother not weep for the death of a child born of her flesh or not. The cry over spilled blood remains the same.
War is anything but kind.
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